So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
