woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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