So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
