i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
