And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
