Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
