I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
