If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
