i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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