How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Michael Bay diarrhea
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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