So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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