She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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