six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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