I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
