I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
We are two peas in an std pod
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
