I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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