After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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