The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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