also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
