How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
this boner is exhausting
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
