my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
