Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
