are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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