god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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