I must be too annoying 4 u.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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