I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
