The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
