You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
