i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
