He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
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