We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
