I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
