Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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