She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
