You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
