This dress was meant to end up on your floor
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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