can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Im part way to drunk.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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