Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
