How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
