Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
