hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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