Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
