allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
my phone needs a breathalizer
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
