Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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