i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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