Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
