I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He passed out mid-signature
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
