i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
