I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
