After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
