You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
