What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
