Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
