This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
