Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
