Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
