You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
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