If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
